Tobias's Profile > Messages Posted


Subject: Genderqueer people in bathrooms

Forum: Genderqueer people in bathrooms
I've decided to stop playing it safe, and be myself on Cnet.
So here goes.

There's been talk in the media about allowing transgender and genderqueer people in bathrooms, and how "scary" it is for the "normal" people trying to use those bathrooms.

I have been afraid to use bathrooms for years. Why? Because I am genderqueer, and people can't always tell if I'm male or female. Worse yet, perhaps, I am female, so I use the women's bathroom (since it has toilets). I get jaw-dropped stares, points, laughing sometimes, and you know what I'm trying to do? GO TO THE BATHROOM. Please, tell me how that's such a big deal. There are 30% more bladder infections and UTIs for genderqueer people because of how much we tend to avoid bathrooms and try to hold it.

How do you feel about these bathroom controversies?
Do you really care who uses your bathroom?
Do you feel safe using the bathroom in public?

Subject: Re: **Challenge! Change your profile picture!

Forum: **Challenge! Change your profile picture!
Hello Jessica!

I'm responding because I like the idea of your challenge, but I'm not going to change my profile picture. Haha :D

I feel like name and picture recognition are very important on cnet in terms of getting forum responses and votes. I like being able to recognize people quickly, and so I haven't changed my photo since I started. I feel like it's how we all get to know each other. My profile is also a picture of me though, maybe from about 3 years ago, but close enough.

I like my profile picture! It's me in my garden from a few years ago. I planted peppers, bell peppers, corn, eggplant, and all sorts of stuff, and that was the day that I harvested my first round. That pepper was so big that I took a picture of it as a mustache, and it tickles me to look at. I also like that it's a close up photo of my face with a fair amount of detail, but not enough that I'm necessarily recognizable.

Cool post!

Subject: Re: Love Yourself

Forum: Love Yourself
Hello Selina!

I completely agree, it's easy to forget how hard we are on ourselves. In order to love and be accepting of others, you must be loving and accepting of ourselves. Have you ever noticed that the things that bug you about other people are the things you don't like about yourself? The phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" is completely appropriate in many of these situations. And people get upset about those things in other people because they either don't like them in themselves, or it's something that they try to stop in themselves.

I definitely push myself. And sometimes I assume that other people are being that hard on me too, just because I'm looking at myself in that lens.

I am definitely scared of failure. Failure is not an option, at least not total failure. Each mistake is a learning opportunity.

My deepest fear is finding out that I'm not good enough. "Not enough" and all that. I try really hard to be my best at all times, and the worst thing would be to realize that no matter what I do, it'll never be enough.

We should love ourselves more, and I'm really working on that. Also on not hanging out with people who bring me down. I want to love myself to the point that no harsh criticism can touch me. And so that I see love and intention in other people, instead of judging actions out of context.

Good luck everybody! You are enough, really! We all are :D

Subject: Re: What are/were you in school for?

Forum: What are/were you in school for?
Today I am wondering what you all are or were in school for? Were you inspired for any reason to go down that route?

I’m currently studying to become a pharmacist! Since I was born my father had hepatitis B (he was thankfully healed 3 years ago), so I spent a lot of time going with him to hospitals, and I grew a huge appreciation for doctors and pharmacists! I ended up going down the pharmacist route because I honestly don’t think I can handle being a doctor, or even have what it takes to become one.

Hello Elisa! :)

In undergrad I got a BA in English with an Emphasis in Literature of the Environment and a Minor in LGBTQ Studies, then I got an MA in English literature. So it's been English and reading all the way, and I've always loved it. I thought I would become an English professor at some point, but the truth is I love reading and books. I don't love reading nonstop theory and being forced to constantly write more theory. I think theory and literature is more about quality than quantity, which is what makes academic writing so dry. (Opinions of course)

Now I'm Operations Manager at a non-profit independent publishing company and I love it. I'm training to take over one day, and I couldn't be happier that I spent all my schooling appreciating and learning to love books even more.

Subject: Re: You're not invited

Forum: You're not invited
Tonight I am bitter. I was with one of my closest friends today, but she had plans tonight. She had a few friends come over as they were all going to a party together and were going to carpool. I was involved in all of this and their chitchat, but I was not invited to the party. I understand why I wasn't invited to the get-together, but I thought it was pretty rude that they continued to talk about it for about an hour. I just sat there as my existence ceased to matter and was wondering about all the wonderful television I could be watching instead.

Do you find it rude when people talk about their other plans in front of you? How do you react?

Hello Ryan!

When people briefly make plans in front of me, I try to be really cool about it. I understand that I won't be invited to everything, especially if it's a specific circumstance or with a specific set of people. But the polite thing is for them to quickly bring it up (if necessary) and then to drop it and finish out details later. It's incredibly rude to continue to talk about making plans with someone else for that long! A whole hour? I would think an entire 5 minutes was significantly rude. If I'm in front of people talking about plans for any length of time I start to assume I'm going to be invited, or I walk away and talk to somebody else. If they meant for me to come, then they'll say something at that point.

Sorry about that situation! Social stuff can be weird and awkward sometimes. I do my best to let it roll off, and to hang out with people who at least seem to have the best intentions in being cool to me.

Subject: Do you eat meat?

Forum: Do you eat meat?
I currently eat meat, but I'm feeling pretty conflicted about it. I love animals, and I feel terrible for eating them. But I also work out a lot, and I need the protein, plus I need extra iron since I'm borderline anemic. (Trying not to mention the deliciousness of meat)

Do you eat meat?
Or are you a vegetarian?
Pescatarian?
Why?

Subject: Re: Quick! Emergency, what do you do?

Forum: Quick! Emergency, what do you do?
Hello Alexis!

In emergencies I tend to be calm and collected, take care of people, and take control of the situation. I'm the operations manager at my company, so I'm sometimes the only calm one--and therefore the only person effectively putting out the metaphorical fire.

I usually surprise myself with how calm I am in intense situations. I fear that I'll have a flight response in a major emergency, but honestly, I doubt it. I don't leave situations, I fix them.

Subject: Re: Do you make friends quickly

Forum: Do you make friends quickly
Hello Raelo!

It's always easier to make friends when everyone else is doing the same thing. It gets hard when you're the only one in a group of people who all know each other.

I make friends quickly anyway, but I've worked on it. I used to be more self conscious and reserved, but now I'm wayyy more social and outgoing! I've got work to do, people to see, and friends to make, I don't have time to be shy anymore!

The biggest tip I can give is to feel comfortable with yourself first, then say hi to people and always do your best to keep the conversation comfortable by being kind, considerate, and socially graceful.

Subject: Re: Free and flexible, or stick to a schedule?

Forum: Free and flexible, or stick to a schedule?
Hello Musical Rainbows!

I prefer a 9-5 schedule, because I like to work hard, and play hard. Work gets done first, then I play hard in the evenings and on weekends.

I've worked projects from home, and I don't like it. I prefer to compartmentalize work so I can live in the moment, no matter where I am, without worrying about grabbing a work call, or having to check my email.

Sometimes I like free and flexible, but to get real work done, I need a schedule!

Subject: Re: How far in advance do you pack?

Forum: How far in advance do you pack?
Hello Ryan!

If I'm moving I tend to pack ahead of time. At least, I'll pack whatever I won't need until I've moved anyway. The stuff that I use every day, I'd probably pack more last minute. The day before though, whoa! I only pack the day before if it's for travel.

Good luck, I hope the move goes well!

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