Forum Navigator

    Popular Tags

    advice age change children cnet college collegenet culture dating death eball education family food friends fun future ginger god happiness health job kids love marriage mljay money parents people politics pulsar raelo relationship relationships religion school sex sleep slynch8686 soberpod.com society thecrimsonactuary think time tobias travel wanderer women work world

    Unwanted Advice

    created by murasaki 635 days 49 minutes ago

    Category: World

    Unwanted Advice

    Hi everyone,

    People (sometimes) mean well, but their advice is not needed. Four years ago, when I was getting ready to have a minor surgery, my surgeon was telling me I should look into getting into the medical field instead of what I was studying at the time. My mom and I found it absurd that he would choose a time like that to want to give "advice". I played cool, because he was going to cut me open after all. Needless to say, I never went to him again (because he wanted to perform more unnecessary surgery later on). Anyway, from time to time I receive advice I didn't ask for, from a church member telling me I should join the Dept of Education, to my father telling me I should get a government job. Perhaps I will do these things in the future, but it will be because I want to, not because someone else told me to. When I receive unwanted advice, I do listen and give it consideration, but then I make it clear what I would like to do.

    What was some unwanted advice you received?

    Re: Unwanted Advice

    Hi murasaki,

    I don't know why, but I seem to be a magnet for unwanted advice (maybe because I have a pretty welcoming personality and have been low on cash for awhile so people assume I'm this poor little lost thing). The coffee shop owner in the town I used to live in used to tell me I should get a new job or do an unpaid internship instead of staying with my current job, and I eventually stopped going there because I was tired of hearing it. When I was a younger, my dentist's assistant was always showing my sisters and I pictures of her sons and saying they would be perfect for us because we were about the same age as them! Usually when I'm given unwanted advice I just smile and nod and then change the subject or say something like, "That's interesting, I'll look into that"--basically anything to end or distract from that topic. Sometimes I'll take the time to express my own plans/desires/whatever, but usually I'll just say I have to go somewhere or try to change the topic, because if people are already offering unsolicited advice they might not be interested in what I have to say (and sometimes I actually do have places to be and things to do). I confess I've been guilty of offering unsolicited advice (I think most people have at some point), but I try to limit that and stop giving advice when I realize it's clearly unwanted.

    Rebecca

    Re: Unwanted Advice

    Yep, some people just butt it into your business. That's not cool.

    Re: Unwanted Advice

    My sister-in-law told me I shouldn't get my masters degree. It was so rude but...not out of character for her.

    Jenni

    Re: Unwanted Advice

    Every body gives and receives unwanted advice. We just want to help and we offer up ideas that we think are better or even the best idea available. I can't even begin to say all of the unwanted advice I receive, but in my opinion it's not that big of a deal. Everyone has their own opinion and sometimes I consider what they have to say or I may have already considered it. In the end I make the decisions and I probably will use advise, wanted or unwanted, when making my choice.

    Re: Unwanted Advice

    As soon as I saw this topic yesterday I was so excited to comment on it until I realized that I already ran out of my five post for the day. Lol

    So I searched it out today!

    OMG! Story of my life! I grew up in a church where dating is frowned upon, I have been with my boyfriend since the age of 18 and we are currently going on 5 years now. I have been through it with unsolicited 'advice' with the intention of stopping me from dating someone period! I don't even want to go down memory lane thinking of it. To the point where I didn't share pictures of us on Instagram Or whatsapp because of the backlash that would ensue. The stress!
    Advice on what worked for them but people refuse to understand that life is not a one size fit all. Great that something works for you, but we are not the same and you can't cookie cut me into your idea of perfection especially when you are not my creator.

    I would say more but it's making me lose my zen lol.

    Thankfully I've come into my own where I can speak out and take advice and filter it.