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    Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    created by rosine 1297 days 10 hours 17 minutes ago

    Category: World

    Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Often when the topic of miscarriage is discussed, women are the main focus. It is true that the woman is the one carrying the fetus or child but most of the time the father is present as well. Most fathers to be emotionally support the mothers to be through the pregnancy so if something happen and the child is loss:

    What impact does the loss of an unborn child has on the father?

    Does it have any impact at all or the woman is the only one who feels the loss?

    Do you think there is a lack of awareness concerning the effect of miscarriage on men?

    Can anything be done to raise this awareness?

    A while ago one of my friends has a miscarriage and most of the attention was on my friend. Myself included we all were more concerned with how she was fairing after the loss and said our condolences to the husband as well but we were less focus on him.
    At the time I did not think about how the loss was affecting him. I think in the back of my head I was probably thinking he is a man so he will be ok; I need to worry about her now. Now in hindsight I know he was affected by the loss just as much as she was, he was looking forward to the birth of his son as much as she was.

    What impact does miscarriage have on men?

    What are your thoughts? Looking forward to hearing from you!

    Have a wonderful day!

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Hi rosine,

    This is a really great, offbeat topic to bring up! Definitely some fresh air in the CollegeNET community. This is a pretty relevant topic too considering that as of 2015 the world is on its way to being more gender neutral and accepting of differences than ever. Now, just because you're a man, doesn't mean that you're going to be automatically okay or tough about a situation when it happens. Everyone has feelings, especially when something as tragic as a miscarriage happens.

    Miscarriages are so sad. A human child, on its way to life, doesn't even get a chance at its first breath of air. Potential parents are denied parenthood, and the woman has to spend days sluffing off her dead child. Its really tragic, and has the potential to affect all parties involved equally.

    If I was a potential father and I wanted to be one and my wife/girlfriend had a miscarriage, I would be distraught. I didn't even have a chance! I couldn't do anything about saving my child. Not to mention that my partner now has to go through the emotional distress of losing a child too, I'm not exactly going to be in a good mood either. When you lose a child, you lose a child together. It isn't a one man band sort of deal. Everyone involved has to endure the pain, even if you aren't the one carrying the child.

    Raising awareness. I don't know if this is a political or large social issue, exactly. I think raising awareness has to be done purely on an individual basis. I can't really envision a campaign for raising awareness on this topic. Could you imagine picketers on the street with signs that say, "Even dads get sad when miscarriage strikes!" I can't.It's not a pertinent enough of an issue to spread awareness publicly.

    I comes down to treating everyone with respect. If you have a friend who loses a child to miscarriage, make sure that you give the entire couple attention! Don't just assume that the man will take care of himself because he's a man. That's not his job. We're all emotional creatures.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Hey Rosine,

    I do not have kids and I have never been in this sort of situation, but I cannot imagine the devastation this would cause a family. Now of course I believe that the mother will most likely be more upset since they are the one that carry the baby inside them... that is a huge new thing and also the fact that your body changes so much in that time, it would be a very horrible experience.

    I think that the father would still be upset, not only was that child something he helped create, but he most likely cares a lot about the girl he is with. I think the biggest thing would also be the fact that usually the couple is excited they are going to have a baby as the reality of seeing it and all that comes true. So to see the baby miscarry is a terrifying truth and it would definitely hurt them both.

    Yes I cannot imagine that men are ever asked how they feel, mostly because they are not as affected physically when a miscarriage occurs. I think this also ties back to society making men seem unemotional to something like that... it is unmanly to show emotion.

    I am not really sure what else could be done. I could not imagine anyone wanting to talk about how a miscarriage affected them at a time where they are still trying to recover from it. Miscarriages happen pretty often and although it is sad, I think it can be viewed as a good thing. I know this is a controversial topic, but the reason miscarriages happen are if a fetus is becoming unhealthy then your body knows what to do. It is really sad, but maybe it can be for the better if that child would be suffering and in pain once they were born.

    Great discussion!

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    My mom had 5 miscarriages along with us 5 children.
    I remember one of them (there were two between my younger sister and I)

    My dad told me about the loss of the baby.
    My dad explained it to me, in terms a child could understand.

    I believe that this stoic man (my papa) felt deep feelings about the loss of his children, along with dealing with the pain my mother was going through.

    It does have an impact, maybe there is a difference of expression on how the impact happens. But still it affects them.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Wow what a powerful topic, Rosine. And I think the answer is YES, men are definitely also impacted my miscarriages. But you are right to point out that when we hear of a miscarriage, we automatically think of the woman, and how bad SHE must be feeling. And while that is very thoughtful and there is nothing wrong with that, I think men often get overlooked because of how we think of men. As others pointed out, men are "supposed to be" strong and not show their emotions, so sometimes we actually fall for that and forget that they have feelings too!

    How could the loss of a potential child NOT affect a parent?? As many of you know, I am currently (still!) pregnant, and my boyfriend has been over the moon during my whole pregnancy, so excited for the baby. Yes, of course he has not had the physical changes or felt the baby within him, but that does not mean he has not also experienced the mental and emotional ups and downs that come with anticipating your child. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking a miscarriage would be, but I know that the potential father would experience the loss too.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Pretty much everything having to do with having kids, we're generally focused on women. Once the little spermies have swum upstream, it's like the guy's not even part of the picture, except as a means of paying the bills. We're very mother-centric that way.

    Addressing the forum topic:

    Of course, anything having to do with pregnancy affects men. I don't think it's easy to come up with a blanket statement of how it affects men. There are so many different personalities, approaches to life.

    I think you have to start with the question of expectation. Did the guy want to have a kid? Was he surprised by it? How far along is the mother? Was the couple having difficulty with conception? I mean... depending on the situation, the guy could be anywhere from depressed to ecstatic. Such is life.

    I'll tell you my one miscarriage story: A while back, I was dating this girl. She had irregular periods, and whenever she'd be a few days late, she'd freak about being pregnant. I'd reassure her, we'd go get a pregnancy test, it would come up negative. (She was on birth control.) We'd do this every few months.

    At some point, I think she was honestly trying to get pregnant, just to get a commitment from me. Things were pretty rocky between us at the time. One day, she calls me and tells me she's had a miscarriage. To this day, I seriously doubt she did. But, maybe, just maybe. I can say that, if she did have a miscarriage, the fetus would have been less than a month old. Like... the size of a kidney bean, maybe? I dunno.

    I can't say I was bothered by it. I'm not even sure it was real. I certainly couldn't take her word for it, since she was prone to seeing what she wanted to see. She certainly tried to beat me up with it. --Acting like I was some sort of deadbeat because she almost had my kid.

    My emotional state? Relieved.

    As far as awareness and whatnot, I don't think we need to drum up awareness of men's feelings during miscarriage. If you want to drum up awareness of something that will actually benefit men, I'd say that you should look at paternal rights. Because our laws are structured such that the baby is part of a woman's body, men have absolutely no input when it comes to questions of whether to keep a child (but is on the hook for child support -- women rarely pay child support in the even that father gets custody), in the event of a divorce, the courts will give the kids to the mother about 80% of the time. It's a pretty rough time to be a dad.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Yes miscarriage does affect men. I remember several years ago when a friend had her miscarriage. Of course she was devastated and everyone was concerned and taking care of her. But her husband was just as devastated. He was pitiful. Looked like he lost his best friend. Couldnt eat. Stopping joking around and being the life of the party. Went into quite a depressed state for a while. I gained a lot of respect for him during that time. He was hurting and yet trying so hard to take care of his wife and help her through her hurt.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Hey Rosine!

    Golly gee this is a powerful topic. I am not a father but if I was in a relationship and the mother of my child had a miscarriage I would feel very distraught. I think this would definitely hurt the woman more than the man just because she was actually carrying the baby. I think it would be even harder on the couple if they struggle to have kids as well. Getting ready for a child and planning and preparing just to find out you lost the baby would have to hurt both the father and mother. Great topic!

    Have a great rest of the week!

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    What impact does the loss of an unborn child has on the father?

    I imagine that losing an unborn child can evoke a similar feeling for a man or a woman. A loss of life is a loss of life and I think it can be just as impactful to both man and woman.

    Does it have any impact at all or the woman is the only one who feels the loss?
    This question doesn't necessarily make sense to me, I believe that the woman would never be on the only one who feels the loss because a death in the family is still a death, even if the baby did not reach full term.

    Do you think there is a lack of awareness concerning the effect of miscarriage on men?

    There probably is a very much sensitive issue of miscarriage being taken insensitively across the world.

    Can anything be done to raise this awareness?

    I think that there can be seminars held or even some commercials to spread awareness about this.

    What impact does miscarriage have on men?

    It has a negative impact. It affects the future and can put a damper on a man's happiness.

    Re: Does miscarriage have any impact on men?

    Woody - Paternal rights is another great relevant topic that has gained a little awareness recently, but is still very lacking! It would be a great topic for another forum :)