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    Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    created by Justjess1000 1415 days 22 hours 46 minutes ago

    Category: World

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    Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    For you to feel alive? Or do you need to be in a romantic relationship to feel as if someone cares for you?

    After reading all of these "relationship" threads, I wanted to get a gauge on what other people think/believe on romantic relationships as a whole. Are you someone who doesn't really care, or have been jaded out of wanting relationships? Are you a co-dependent person? Or are you honestly just a genuine person waning to be loved?

    Our world is now so oversimplified in the dating world in a unnecessary fashion. So I want to hear your opinion on the necessities, is it applicable to your life, or do you even care about finding the one?

    Let me know down below!

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    I do not need a "man" to complete me
    Although I would love for someone to try... mainly because I miss some of the fun that goes with being in a romantic relationship

    I do not think it is necessary... so I do not need it, but I sure want it

    I have some awesome support with my friends and family (outstanding people in my life... including people here on CNET)

    But none of my friends (female and male) are kissing friends... and kissing family ... is just yuck (have you seen my brothers?)

    I miss the kissing, hand holding, and even a few of the fights (the make ups were spectacular)

    Plus I am not sure that there is a "One" for each person
    If that is the case, the odds are not in my favor

    Maybe my mate has died and is waiting for me... (many wars rumors of war) so I am going to live my life, be the best me I can be, and if he comes along... great. If not, I will miss the kissing still

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...


    A romantic relationship is as only as good as the people in it. Unless you've got a partner who nurtures the relationship and appreciates you and what you bring to the table, a relationship could be a lot more trouble than they are actually worth.

    I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with just anybody only so I could say I had a boyfriend.

    I have a lot of people and beings that love me. I have a dog that loves me unconditionally. I have a dad and brother that love me very much and make me feel special. I have wonderful best friends. I joke that one of them is the man in the relationship. If we go somewhere, she always drives. She treats me when we go out for meals or for coffee for no reason. I don't understand it but I enjoy it. I always joke, "Who needs a boyfriend when I have her?". One time I went out for coffee with said best friend and the guy I was seeing at the time. The clerk rings us up and she went to pay for me and then he said he'd get it. Hehe.

    I live with one of my best friends. We are a true partnership. We take care of each other when we are sick. We have done each other's laundry. Cook for each other. He walks my dog sometimes. We run errands for each other.

    I dance lindy hop and I dance often. I am touched by humans often through out the week and I have a lot of human interaction. Yeah I'm not making out with people. But they do have to hold me and touch me in order to dance with me. Plus I hug hello and good bye to them and Thursday nights I see at least 20 of my friends...

    Maybe if I did not have my dog, the joy of dancing, and the amazing people I have in my life, a romantic relationship would be necessary. As for now, I have all the companionship I could ask for. If I wanted the physical aspects of a relationship, I could get it no problem. I just don't like to do those things outside of a relationship but if I ever changed my mind, there are swarms of guys who would be pleased and eager to be of service.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    Oh, there were times in my life where I would have said of course, and stated that love was one of the great wonders we're supposed to discover, or something dumb like that, but a lonely guy in high school who has a crush on the popular girls? What do you expect?

    These days of course I'm a grown up, and don't give things more weight than they really deserve, if I can at all help it. I would love a great relationship, amazing woman, fall in love and all that jazz, but even if I were to look at the few past relationships I've had and the assorted 'just dating' things, I can say it takes work. An annoying amount at times.

    I think the only real way to be happy with a partner is to be fully engaged in your life, chasing the things you love, and living for you. When you find someone, they of course become a part of that, but they're also living their lives, chasing their dreams, all that smarmy stuff. You two simply get to do it together, support each other, share your passions, have an intimate (emotionally and physically) relationship with another person that means a lot. But your happiness should not be rooted in them. What if they died? Left you? Cheated? Will suddenly everything else in your life turn to crap too? If I do what I love, marry the woman I love, and love myself, then if one of those things falls apart, I've got two other pillars to lean on. Hurts like hell, but I'll live.

    The greatest mistake people commit with regards to romantic love is presuming it's the end-all of everything in their life, and then when anything happens to change that, like something as simple as time and people growing, it's a disaster for them. I've seen that particular scenario a bunch of times, and lived it a few myself, oy.

    A romantic relationship is just a delicious cupcake. With rainbow chip frosting! And you've gotta do at least 100 pushups before you're allowed to eat it too. Hard work, sweet reward, but not what defines you. People should be together because they want to be, love to be, not because they need to be.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    I used to feel that way, for a couple years in middle school and high school. I felt very lonely and it made me depressed. Being a bit of an outcast nerd made it worse because I was extremely nervous and awkward, and that made me feel even worse about myself. But maybe it was just some chemical thing my brain matured out of, or because I started getting experience with actual dating towards my senior year, but I started to realize that it had less to do with being lonely or romantically unfulfilled and more to do with the fact that I had nothing better to do, and that I wasn't depressed and lonely, rather, I was bored.

    So in retrospect, not only would I have argued that I was not at all ready for a relationship but I would have been miserable had I actually ended up in one.

    I don't think anyone wouldn't want a good relationship, and of course I would want to be in a good relationship. But I also don't want to settle and there are plenty of things that bring me fulfillment and happiness that I can do single. Jaded, no. But entering into a relationship would mean changing things, and I'm very happy with things as they are now.

    I agree with Tenken, the greatest mistake people make in romance is assuming it's their ultimate ideal and aspiration in life. You end up a co-dependent serial monogamist who can never be truly happy because your happiness depends on others.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    Hi Jess,

    Interesting topic and one I have often thought of as I watch my friends go through their relationships.

    I don't need a relationship to make me happy and I never want to be the type that does.

    At this moment, I don't even really care about being in a relationship. I've watched relationships ruin one too many lives and I don't want to take the chance end up like that. For now, I am happy focusing on school. Perhaps this choice may because I may be slightly jaded, but I'm not so jaded that I refuse to be open to the possibility.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...


    @Goober: YES!!! You are perfect the way you are lady ;), no man required. I feel the same way now, I used to think I needed someone, a woman, but now I've realized that I just want to share what I have if anything comes about. Exactly Girlfriend *Snap Snap Snap*. Regular relationships like friends and family are definitely the first and foremost relationships that garner my attention as well. Yep the physical contact is always great, being a cuddlier myself, I know what you mean. You'll get that man one day Goober, he will come along and kiss your face, with your permission of course ;), when you least expect it!

    @luringattraction: I love your videos! Haha, your spot on. Focusing on the relationships that you have already really are what matters most. And dang! That's a lot of dancing XD. I might actually take a page out of your book and find me a place like that too. Your exactly right, the nurturing part of a relationship is crucial! A bus driver once told me that relationship is like a flower, it takes time to grow. You have to water it, love it, and give it much needed sunlight to let it blossom into the air. Your confidence is very nice to see luring! And dogs of course are always the best companion anyways :P Thank you so much for your response!

    @Tenken: Hahaha, yep, we hopeless romantic high-schoolers can be a handful XD. I know I was the same way as a kid too. Again, you have some amazing advice and truth to your response. Instead of chasing a relationship, it will probably more than likely jump into your lap, the right kind, if you keep the focus on your own goals and dreams. I've always been very forward in life, so I guess at times to some people, that can be really overwhelming too.

    Teken, that last paragraph on the cupcake analogy just made my day!!! Your brilliant! And who doesn't like rainbow sprinkles? Thank you so much for your genuine response.

    @ Jack: Ahhh, the ever presence mental growth, that's really awesome that you could cognitively see that in yourself. The boredom factor is unfortunately something even adults go through. Oh yea, trsut me, when you end up in one for those reasons, it's an atom bomb waiting to ruin you :/. Aha, yep change is a hard thing without another human in the mix. Yep, first, you gotta love you! Thank you Jack :)

    @Mince: Nope. You can do that all on your own. Oh yea, someone will definitely come along when we least expect it too. Being open is definitely necessary. Thanks Mince!

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    Hey Jess,

    I personally need a romantic relationship to feel fully alive. That sounds odd coming from someone who is terminally single like myself--but it's honestly how I feel.

    Being in a relationship has less to do with feeling as though someone cares about me and more that I care deeply about someone else--it adds a totally different electric feel to the days when I am around someone I love, as if I just drank a bunch of coffee, came off an amazing run, and had a wonderful night's sleep, all at the same time. It's hard to feel "awake", I suppose, the rest of the time.

    That said, just because I need one to feel totally alive, doesn't mean I force myself to love someone or be around them. I'm not the type of person to gradually fall in love--one day, all of a sudden, it just hits , and then I can't stop thinking about the person. Of course I would like to be loved in return, but I am not co-dependent, so it's not a necessity.

    So I really do care about finding the one--but I am not sure how that's going to be possible for someone like me, who has...very niche interests, and doesn't like staying in one place for very long. Finding a fellow kindred soul that is as flighty as me will be difficult--but I have hope. After all, there are 7 billion people in the world...

    wait--I just did several calculations using world demographic data to determine how many people, exactly, I am soulmate compatible with--out of 7 billion people...7. Gah. I'll be making a forum about that calculation tomorrow...1 in a billion, not very good odds. Good thing I am not co-dependent.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...


    Hun,

    I'm too busy with these 3 black dogs! They make me feel alive! You don't need a man or woman to make you feel alive!!!

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    Hi Jess,

    Great questions. I completely agree with Tenken, they don't define you. They are only icing on the cupcake of life! You should love yourself first, and be happy with your own life.

    I met my husband at 19 years old and we got married when I was 21. I'm 35, so we have been married awhile now! But I love him more than life itself. We are very happy, but we both are individuals who love different things. He likes to hunt and fish, and I like to camp and hike. We like to do outdoor things, but we are happy doing our own thing too.

    I worry what would happen if I lost him, because we have been together since we were teens, and I don't know how life would be without him. I don't even want to think about it.

    But I think having your own hobbies, goals, and experiences are healthy. Have a good relationship with yourself first!

    Michelle

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    Justjess...JJ for short..

    I think if we look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, there are certain aspects of a romanic relationship that are indeed a part of our living.

    Love is a positive feeling, for the most part, and we have learned through our societal demands this is always a good thing. I think somehow it's a part of our genes, as well makeup of who we are. I believe it fulfills something within us.

    I'll be honest, I would probably be happier if there was someone in my life. Yet, within the relationship process, there are new demands, and shifts that change it from being singular to something where we share our lives, etc., with another. Yet, I find myself wondering if this is what i really want, and perhpas in a way I do need it. It's complicated.

    Truly a difficult question..

    dabear

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...


    Jess, interesting forum.

    I do not need to be in a relationship to feel alive or to know someone cares for me. With that said, I am engaged to a great guy and we are getting married in November.

    I have always been a very independent person with my own opinions and goals. When guys I dated couldn't handle that, I broke up with them. Sounds cruel, but they were keeping me from my dreams. I wasn't about to let anyone get in the way of my dreams. My fiancé is extremely supportive of my dreams. We work well together and that is why we are together.

    I was jaded before I met my fiancé, that's true. But, I started dating again (after not dating for 7 years) when I was in graduate school. I went on some pretty hairy dates and spoke to some interesting (to say the least) guys. Then after I defended my thesis, I was in the middle of e-mails with my now fiancé (we met online) and I met him for coffee, coffee turned to dinner and by the next week we were going on a second date. In fact our second date was July 4th of last year and we went to the Providence Zoo. Afterwards we were so hot we ended up at a movie theater watching a movie just to cool down!

    I think ultimately all people want to be loved.

    My mother placed more value on her relationship than on her children. As a result of this, as a teenager I placed more value on relationships than on friendships. I learned quickly that was the wrong thing to do and by my 20's I realized that life was what I made of it and that my self worth was not measured by whether or not I had a man in my life. So in my 20's I didn't care. I had a bit of fun, despite being in a serious relationship for the early part of my 20's. It was when I was about 25 I realized it was OK to date more than one guy at a time. I wish I would have chosen better guys to date, but it's OK. I learned my lesson and moved on with my life. In my late 20's I met another guy and we were in a serious relationship. Turns out he was a total douche and he broke up with me over the phone the day before my birthday. Then stalked me. We ended up getting back together about 2 years later. And it ended pretty much the same way the second time, except he didn't stalk me.

    So for 7 years I remained single. I have always seen relationships and dating as being complicated. There is nothing simple about navigating social networks.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    @LaNeira: Hey man! I can understand where you are coming from. It's like having a puzzle pieve missing from your heart, or not feeling completely complete until you have that other person or special something to live for. It's like living only for oneself and get limited ultimately seeming moot :/. I get it, but man, your so young! I don't think you need anyone else to truly be fulfilled my friend. I'm a natural disaster at times when it comes to relationships, but I know when it's right, and she's right, it will be well... right. That's good to at-least be aware of that, and don't just go for anyone. Having standards is key, and remember, when you say no to someone, keep it a no :). Haha, I like those odds. 1 in a billion out of 7 billion means that you have so much potential. Thank you for your honest answer and response LaNeira.

    @3blackdogs: Haha, I agree with you, sometimes XD. I bet those three do keep you busy though! Dog's are pretty much amazing. Thank you for your positivity on here, and the response!

    @Rabbit: Thank you for sharing your success story :). Those always keep me going knowing that I'm on the right track to focus on me. Thank you for the advice. It's true, we have to have out own lives to stay sane within a relationship too. I'm glad to see you sticking around! Thank you for the response.

    @DaBear: Haha, I usually don't let most people give me a nickname, but since your dabear, you have my blessing on calling me JJ XD. Wow, I forgot about Maslow's Hierarchy. I think I studied it in sociology. I agree, society does play a huge role in our love aspects and it really does fulfill something in us.Your right, the whole dating process sucks. It's complicated, rude at times, and just plain mean. But again, your right, we do need it in our lives. You'll find someone soon bear, perhaps another misses bear in the woods while drinking at your local river ;). We'll get the right answers one day Bear! Have a great day, thanks for adding your wisdom here.

    @Granite: Congratulations! Again, it really gives me so much hope hearing about the positive and successful relationships granite. I know as a dude, it's weird for me to be so focused on relationships, but I feel the same way as you. Dating SUCKS! Yep, going through life as you did will leave you a bit jaded, I feel the same at times. But, like you said, we all do ultimately want to be loved. Reading about your life now, I can see you pushed through and did great. Ty 4 the video.

    Re: Is a romantic relationship necessary...

    I think a romantic relationship is nice. I mean, who wouldn't want to be in a long-term, unconditional, loving relationship with someone?

    Feeling loved by your significant other is different from the love you receive from family and friends, but as humans we need this kind of love.

    That last phrase you used is hilarious!

    Oh, and heck yes, I care about finding the one!