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    Are you okay with people not liking you?

    created by katherinejade 62 days 7 hours 59 minutes ago

    Category: World

    Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Aloha CNETTERS,

    Learning to love ourselves is an ongoing journey and process. There are moments when we are proud of who we are and what we did, and there are moments when we are filled with shame and doubt.

    Some of us may have struggled with low self-esteem, particularly in our adolescence, and resorted to people-pleasing behaviors that may continue to this day.

    This post is about self-esteem, its ups and downs/our personal growth in nurturing it.

    My questions are: Do any of you have a hard time accepting when people don't like you? How do you feel about people that don't like you? Do you like yourself, or do you feel that you need to change? What has helped you like yourself more, and what has made you like yourself less?

    I have struggled on/off with low self-esteem. I have had trouble communicating my wants and needs, and have been devastated at the slightest suggestion that people don't like me. I think that because I had issues with liking myself, I had a hard time handling signals that other people don't like me.

    My self-esteem has been growing, though, as I process my issues through therapy and reading. Along with other goals I have set and achieved, starting school has been a boon to my self-esteem.

    You??

    Mahalo,
    Kat

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Hey Kat,

    Omg great topic!!! Throughout my 20's it heavily bothered me if I felt that people didn't like me. Now that I'm 30, I honestly don't care haha I'm nice to everyone, so if someone doesn't like me, I'm just like, well it must be them. I don't let it hang over my shoulders like it used to. Not everyone in life is going to like you, and unfortunately the best way to deal with is to act like it doesn't bother you until it actually doesn't bother you. And as long as you're being a decent person.....then it's on them.

    -Jess

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Good morning, Kat,

    I am glad to hear that you are working on your self esteem. You seem like a really nice person and so I hope that with your therapy that you are able see what a wonderful and worthy person you are! It is totally understandable that when someone doesn't like you, that it hurts.

    Humans are social beings. We need people in our lives. And I almost think it is human nature to want to please people, make them happy and have them see us as good people, worthy of our time, attention and affection. And, when we are genuine and giving and someone doesn't like us, for whatever reason, it does hurt and makes us question, naturally, why? Why don't they like me? What is wrong with me? The answer I think we need to really ask is what is wrong with them? Why do they only notice my flaws? And then realize that the person is not meant to fit in our lives.

    It has taken me time to understand this. To this day, yes, it still bothers me when someone doesn't like me. But I know I can't change how they feel. I can only continue to be me, to be kind and supportive of those who want to be in my life.

    I do like myself. I do wish that I could communicate my needs more though. Maybe that would have helped me in my last relationship. I don't know for sure though. I thought I did an okay job with that, but I am now second guessing myself. I will forever be a work in progress! I am ok with that!

    Have a great day!

    Jon

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Hey Kat,
    This really bothered me when I was in junior high and high school but now I absolutely could care less. That being said, I will not go out of my way to be mean to anyone or put them down but I am very firm in my core values and if people don't agree with that, that's fine by me. I think as soon as we can be comfortable within our own skin, we really can help others become equally confident and really that's when you can develop the strongest relationships with people by just being you and being real!

    Not everyone is going to like my opinion, not everyone is going to like how I deal with things and certainly not everyone is going to like me and that's okay! We are not made to please everyone!

    This will be such a strong topic to cover with my daughters as they get older. I hope that I can always provide them a great example and I hope that I can help establish strong confidence in who they are in their lives.

    Thanks!
    Morgan

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Hey Kat,

    I'm glad you're on the journey to better self-esteem. There are waaay too many opinions in this world to let it affect how you see yourself. People say and think the meanest things, but if you know yourself you can stay true to who you are despite how everyone else might see you.

    I don't really mind if people don't like me. I want to be surrounded by people who love and accept me, and I know there'll be those who don't - but I don't need to keep them near. I truly try to be the best person I can be, and good to those around me. All I can do is that, so if someone still doesn't like me then that's their choice. They're missing out anyway :)

    Sometimes, saying affirmations in the mirror helps a lot. And knowing that your body language affects your confidence - you can fool yourself into feeling more self-confident. Just be the best you can be!

    -bella

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Hi Kat,

    I agree that learning to love and accept ourselves is a process and journey! It is certainly true in my life! While I am okay with people that don't particularly care for me, it's taken me awhile to not be bothered by it and it did bother me when I was younger.

    As a girl, I would definitely say I was a people pleaser. However, I don't attribute it to low self esteem. I feel that I've always had a good sense of self and have always had a fiesty, independent streak! However, I am a peace maker. That quality can be a blessing and a curse!

    I am okay with disagreeing with others ,,, there are many thoughts and opinions on every topic. I can disagree with people on a belief or issue and still like them for a multitude of other reasons. I might not agree with your political views, but I can admire your dedication to your children, your work ethic, your sense of humor or your killer sense of style! Not everyone feels this way and knowing that was hard for me to accept for awhile. For some people, it's all or nothing!

    Here is a saying that I came across at some point and it really hits home when I discover that someone doesn't really care for me. "You might be the juiciest peach in the orchard and yet, there will always be someone that just doesn't care for peaches!" Ha!

    I so admire your dedication to better understand yourself through therapy and reflection! You keep building that self esteem ,,, one success after the other!

    Christi

    Thank you for your reply to my nap/insomnia post. I too struggle with insomnia from time to time. You are right, feelings of angst are often to blame. Sometimes it is mine and sometimes it is for those I care for and love. In this case, my need to help others find peace weighs heavy on my mind. I woke up with a fit of coughing and then I couldn't quiet my brain!

    Re: Are you okay with people not liking you?

    Hi Katherine,

    i think this is a very important topic. I definitely think that the people we choose to surround ourselves with play a huge factor in what we give relevance to in regards to others opinions. I, myself was very lucky to have had a mother who constantly empowered me to be the best i could be. while i did encounter negativity throughout my life it was my mothers constant reminder that i was worthy that never let anyones comments get me down. I can definitely see how a constant battering from other people might make someone cave to their opinions however. I think as life goes on choosing friends, colleagues and acquaintances that do not constantly judge or negate you is very important. Having that support group is key to helping you grow as a person and to make you stand strong against any negativity you may encounter. YOU are beautiful and it takes work but noone's opinion about you matters but your own. I love that you are working on helping yourself get better through therapy and going to school. That in itself is something to be immensely proud of. :)))