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    How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    challenge posed by Brenda Cobb 18 days 23 hours 2 minutes ago

    Category: Entertainment
    Challenge Forum

    How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    There could be circumstances that you've been through in life and quite possibly are still going through now that has caused your heart to break. Some of these breaks may be small fractures, and some could be large, and they really hurt. Were there people you expected to be there for you in a kind and loving way, but they were not? Maybe you have just learned that you were deceived or betrayed by someone close to you, your mother or father, brother or sister, lover or friend. Are you one of those people that says, "I can forgive them. They had issues. They couldn't help themselves. I forgive them and wish them well." Or do you tend to hold on to the anger and bitterness you feel? We can forgive and explain our way out of a broken heart, but we must spend time forgiving ourselves as well and realizing that whatever happened was not our fault. Our hearts will not be healed when we brush things off and gloss over the hurt. It is not time to be your usual robust tower of strength. It is time to be gentle with yourself and find ways to heal your heart. Feel the hurt, the fracture in your heart, and know you are safe to let go and start to heal. What one time do you remember that most broke your heart? What did you do that helped you most in that process?

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hi Brenda,

    I think the most happiest people have gone through the most hell. My understanding of healing fractured heart is very limited; the only one I know how to heal is broken romantic loves. Without giving too much detail, someone I dated took me two years to finally feel content. There was one point where I would cry every night for a few months. Any inch of improvement I was so grateful for.

    I got to where I was by diversifying my emotional fulfillment from friends, new hobbies, new interests, by moving to new locations, finding joy in taking care of myself financially, being proud in helping my family, feeling energized by taking care of my body, by lots of writing. Lots of writing and reading. Lots of spending on food and learning how to cook meals and taking myself to cafe. Getting a good job with cool coworkers that make your 40 hours a week filled with laughter. And simply time.

    I'm scared of the broken heart of losing someone. There's a wide range of what causes broken hearts and I'm grateful each day that mine is still intact.

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hello Brenda,

    I love how you spoke on this topic as well as I can relate in so many ways because I have been hurt by family members who have done me wrong as well as use me and my wife. When we help them when they need help and yet, they walk around acting mad because we cannot help them anymore. It is so important to forgive the person who done you wrong. Because when you forgive you will be able to be at peace even when the person who walk around holding a grudge for no reason. How I learn to heal from a fractured heart is through prayer talking to God upon asking him to heal my heart because I did not want to have bitterness against the ones that did me wrong. Because soon or later it was going to come back on them. And from that point I was able to move on and smile. And now when I see those that did me wrong I tell them, I forgave them but I will not forget and keep smiling. Thanks for sharing.

    Edward

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hi Brenda,
    Great topic. I always think holding on to hate and bitterness is toxic for you, not only mentally but physically. That being said, to experience a tragic experience, does one ever get over that? I'm not quite sure. Praying always helps me and trying to find positivity and focus on how to move forward. Support and love from friends and family is ALWAYS needed!

    Thanks!
    Morgan

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hey Brenda,

    Thank you so much for this forum. We just did a session on this topic at our youth group. So far everyone has touched upon all the methods of dealing with a broken heart and I appreciate the comments. I would add that holding onto the hurt is only harming you, like Morgan said, toxic. It does not hurt the other person one bit, in fact, depending on the circumstances, they may rejoice in inflicting that hurt on you. The best "revenge" is a life well lived in peace and contentment. Praying and taking good care of yourself is an excellent way to accomplish that.

    Have a great day!

    Kasey

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Aloha Brenda,

    Great forum topic! My heart has experienced being broken in romantic love situations the most. My last breakup definitely broke my heart. I was dating someone and we were really serious- talking about getting married and everything. We broke up due to distance and life taking us in different directions and were keeping in touch as friends and then he disappeared. This was heartbreak for me, someone that I still loved so much was gone from my life and I was left to pick up the pieces without having been able to actually say goodbye and for yet another love to just disappear.

    In the process of getting over this I really had to turn inward. I needed to take stock of my own life and focus on me. I needed to do all the things that keep me sane in the wake of having my heart broken. I ran, I read, I wrote in my journal, I spent time with friends, I found music to soothe my soul, I allowed myself little by little to move on. If there is one thing I have learned from having my heart broken before is that life goes on. No matter how awful you feel life goes on and you have to go with it. Part of moving on is letting go and forgiving for me. I do not tend to hold on to anger and bitterness. I respond with love for myself and recognize the pain that the other person is going through as well.

    - Wanderer

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hello Brenda:
    I love this subject because, as emotional as the heart is spoken about, it is the one universal theme that unites all of humanity.

    ABSOLUTELY ALL HUMANS ON EARTH HAVE EXPERIENCED A FRAGMENTED HEART. However, it is the individual experience and response to the aftermath that diversifies the experience.

    Why do I put that in caps?
    It is a positive emphasis on how the human experience is universally tied.
    How I have recently seen broken hearts:
    1) I watched a 6 year old girl barely making it through her chemo with a smile, and hearing her mother crying in the bathroom.
    2) I felt my 19 year old nephew see his first heart break of love, and trying to find the pieces of what is left of him.
    3) My mother lost her husband to pancreatic cancer, watching him slip away, missing their 50 year anniversary.
    4) I know a woman who lost her 4 year old daughter and her unborn child in an accident.

    How I have my heart broken:

    1) i've lost love to gain love
    2) I've seen death to appreciate life.
    3) My daughters' defeats hurt me to the core, but her successes are that much sweeter.
    4) When my youngest child of Autism gets ignored because she's flapping her hands, my heart breaks to become stronger so she knows her being different is accepted!!

    I have seen what unforgiveness can do, and holding on to pain. Sometimes it is just a learning process on how to let those things go that break the heart into millions of pieces. But my biggest lesson, that I leave with all that I have discovered, is that the heart is resilient, and is at times. its own entity. I trust my heart, and let it heal and love when it needs to.

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hi Brenda,

    One of the most important lessons I've ever learned is that if you have resentment towards someone, they have power over you. Holding onto resentment is like drinking a vial of poison and expecting someone else to die. Forgiveness sets you free. When you forgive, you let go of the situation and bitterness that's holding you back. Forgiveness is for you, not necessarily the other person.

    I believe forgiveness is the only way to heal a fractured heart, no matter how big or small the fracture. Forgiveness is the mot powerful form of strength one can have. Letting go of anger is truly life changing.

    Thanks for the forum!
    Megan

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    I've had a lot of times that broke my heart, but I think the most painful was the time when my sister ran away. Let's just say that her self esteem was really low and her mental health wasn't in a good place. She had pretended to fall asleep on the couch, and while she had threatened to leave the house (she even packed a bag) just because she had an argument with our mom about a new "boyfriend" she brought home (my mom simply voiced her concern that this wasn't the kind of guy that was right for her, among other concerns), I made her promise me that she wouldn't, and I thought that she had, but she seemed so tired that it was just a mumble, but I took it as an agreement. While my mother and I were upstairs, she slipped out of the house, leaving her phone behind and not bothering to take a jacket (it was a January night, and she was wearing a short brown dress and boots).

    I stayed at the house in case she came back while my mother started to drive around looking for her, and I also called the police to let them know what happened. What was most frustrating was that they said because she was 17, they couldn't really do anything if she didn't want to come home (imagine my agony then!). My biggest fears were that she would be found dead somewhere, or raped, or even both. I also feared that I would never see her again. A few hours after she ran off, she called from someone's phone (she hid the number), saying that she was fine and not to worry. I was a bawling mess, and I begged her to come home, but what really was the blow to my heart was that she sounded annoyed with me and uncaring of how scared I was for her. She came home the next day thanks to one of her friends who knew about the situation and was able to get her back home.

    With a lot of therapy and support, my sister did get better, but for me, my heart was still fractured by that careless and annoyed phone conversation she gave me. I got therapy and all for it, but some things are hard to heal from. I talked with my mother about it, and she was able to really help me, saying that I did nothing wrong and it wasn't my fault that she ran away or anything.

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hi Brenda,


    I have had a several thinks that have resulted in a broken heart in my life. One of the biggest ones was my parents separation and divorce which started when I was 16 years old, most people think that if a divorce happens when kids are older or adults that it doesn't affect them, well from experience I can tell you that it does. It really does break your heart. My heart also broke to see my mom go through what she did since it was my Dad's infidelity that caused it. It also broke my heart that my dad never apologized to us kids for his part in basically destroying our family as it was. The way I had to get through it to move on is to forgive my dad. Also we had to re-invent what are family was. Even though one moves on and you can actually come away stronger through heart break you always carry some sort of left over baggage. I think mine was over independence and control as well as trust issues, which I have had to work on in my own relationship.

    Thanks for the thoughtful forum!

    Karen

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hey Brenda,

    My experiences with heartbreak haven't been romantic. I don't have much in the way of experience with having a significant other. My source of heartache has come from broken friendships. In my high school days, I had a pretty close group of friends. We did everything together, we ate lunch and hung out every day for three years. They were my support group at school, the people I would turn to for comfort and camaraderie when I was upset. Then the summer after we all graduated, we started to grow apart. They left me out of the group, and did things without me and then not tell me and post pictures on social media. That really hurt me. I thought I had done something wrong, that I wasn't a good enough friend or that I didn't do something and that I had pushed them away. It all kind of came to a head where I got into a fight with one of the people I was closer to in our friend group. They eventually apologized and I forgave them, but things were never quite the same after that. I was still left hurting, and we eventually drifted apart as we wine away to different schools. Sometimes I still miss what we had before, and it's hard to grow apart from someone you were so close to. However I think now that growing out of friendships is a part of life and it's okay to come to terms with that. It isn't easy but things do get better as time goes on. You do heal, and I got better with the love and support of my family. They were always there to listen to me and support me throughout my whole debacle and I will always love my family for that.

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hi Brenda,

    It is true that heartache and pain are inevitably, in some way or form, part of life. In some ways this , in itself, is comforting to me. The feeling that I am not alone and that others can relate to the experience.

    My biggest heartache hasn't been romantic in nature. Experiencing an almost life ending but certainly life altering event with my husband's health has been my biggest heartache. The event and subsequent struggles were tough on both of us. Life as we knew changed forever. We handle heartache, stress and change so very differently so that was tough too!

    I allowed my self to grieve over what was lost. Of course being his caregiver gave me purpose and kept me occupied. My faith brought me great comfort too. I also came to the conclusion (much easier than my husband did) that a life different than that what we originally had going for us could also be fulfilling and wonderful!

    My husband's road to recovery was a bit longer. And that's okay too! As you implied, maybe he needed to feel the pain of disappointment in his own way and on his own timeline. I am not sure he will ever be "over" the life he feels he lost, but he has learned how to enjoy the life he has and all the things he can do!

    Thank you for reading,

    Auntiec

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    My husband of 20 years told me our marriage was not worth saving! That was tough. We had 4 teen-aged daughters at the time and I had no family, and lost my friends in the divorce. So I was totally isolated and alone.

    The rejection and the loss of a family unit was devastating.

    I am not sure what I did to get through it. I certainly floundered. But I think my need to be a good mo helped. Overall I can only thank god for the grace to get through it.

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hello Brenda,

    I suppose more recently, the most heartbreaking thing has been the distancing of my mother from my life. She's made it clear that she doesn't care much for me, and it's been really painful.

    Luckily, I have others in my life who are very supportive, loving, and kind to me, and they have helped me get through this.

    Thank you for the topic,

    -Anna

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hey!

    This is a very difficult question. To be honest. I don’t know if a fractured heart ever heals. I think the only thing that heals a broken heart is time. It takes almost forever but eventually it heals. Everyone is of course different. People try to forget where as others have harder time. I haven’t been in this situation so there isn’t much tgat i know or feel whereas someone who has been through it.

    Thanks
    Have a nice day!

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hey brenda,
    I feel like forgiving somebody who hurt you can be something tough because it has happened to me, even at this point I don’t know if i could ever forgive them. A heart does heal throughout time but some people can be bitter and hold grudges. It sucks that people have to be like this but we all go through some type of pain and heart break sadly.
    Thanks for this discussion
    -Kat

    Re: How Can You Heal A Fractured Heart?

    Hey the only way to heal a fractured heart in my opinion is to replace it with something better. :)

    Thanks
    Have a great day!