Forum Navigator

    Popular Tags

    advice age change children cnet college collegenet culture dating death eball education family food friends fun future ginger god good happiness health job jobs kids love marriage mljay money parents people politics pulsar raelo relationship relationships religion scholarship school sex sleep society thecrimsonactuary think time tobias travel women work world

    Views on Marriage

    created by BeckyBoo 172 days 2 hours 15 minutes ago

    Category: World

    Views on Marriage

    Hello All!

    With all my friends either getting engaged or breaking off long-term relationships, I've found myself wondering how I feel about the idea of marriage. The high divorce rate (I've heard almost half of all marriages end in divorce) really bothers me, and all I can ask is why? What makes people fall out of love, and how can we avoid it?

    What do you all believe about relationships, marriage, etc? Do you have a more traditional view or maybe something a little different?

    My boyfriend and I believe in working hard to work things out, in loving each other for who we are through think and thin, in supporting one another, in choosing one another over and over. Sometimes life isn't easy and neither are relationships. But it's worth it.

    I'd love to hear all your thoughts.

    Becky

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Hi Becky,

    Thank you for this question. I believe that relationships take a lot of hard work and that it's also possible for people to fall out of love or change in a way that makes them no longer compatible with their partner. I don't believe that divorce is so bad (maybe because I've never experienced it firsthard) because to me, a relationship is beautiful for as long as it lasts. If we have 5 happy years then that is good. I think the high divorce rate is in part caused by people realizing that they don't have to be unhappy. Years ago, people stuck through unhappy and abusive relationships because it was unacceptable to call it quits. These days people are admitting that things are broken and can't be fixed, and are moving on with their lives and finding happiness again.

    I strongly believe that if a relationship has issues that can't be fixed it's better to get a divorce and find happiness than to stick it out just for the sake of not getting divorced. I think it's unrealistic to expect that people will remain the same with the same wants and needs for 50+ years. Sometimes people outgrow each other and that's okay. I'm not afraid of marriage because I'm not afraid of divorce. Life is a journey and I'll just focus on the road I'm on.

    Just my two cents :)

    -Monica

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Hey Becky!

    I'm not sure about your exact statistics, but I agree with everything you and Monica have said.

    For myself personally, I recognize marriage as an economic institution, but don't really see much value in it beyond that.

    I understand that there are also religious affiliations within it, but that's not a part of my life.

    If I ever do get married, it'll only be to secure finances with someone I love and am committed to. I don't believe that commitment needs to be officiated.

    Thanks for the forum!

    - Anna

    Re: Views on Marriage

    I see marriage as a sacred institution. It is not to be regarded lightly. When you say your vows to each other, you are to everything you can to maintain unity and love for each other. Marriage needs to be held in sacred ground and none of the two parties should ever consider divorce as an option. As soon as they get married, they should throw divorce right out the window. You are together for life! This isn't a dating stage. You are now committed together for life!

    Eddie

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Becky, viewing marriage as a commitment to a lifelong friendship is important to staying together. After a long time, people forget why they got together because of all the stuff of life, or they take advantage of always having that person around.

    Since my parents are divorced, it makes me fearful of whether I have what it takes to keep a relationship lasting a lifetime. But that's also a lot of pressure. It's important to enjoy what you have right now, and know that the person you are dating or married to will do anything in their power to keep your bond strong.

    Also, as a reminder, emotions are ever changing. Love as written in the bible is stronger than simply the way you feel. It's actionable. And as long as both people are committed to that actionable love, the marriage can't go wrong.

    -Bella

    Re: Views on Marriage

    I think that marriage is a beautiful thing that too many people take lightly and rush in to, this is why I think the divorce rate is so high. I feel like it is important to establish a close friendship before even becoming romantic with each other. I don't believe in conventional dating because you are essentially creating romantic feelings for someone you only know through a romantic context. If you had established a friendship with them beforehand however, you will have already seen their true person instead of the version they put forward for the romance.

    I think that couples shouldn't get married unless they have been together for at least three or four years, because then you will have just started to really see the true person that they are and how they change over time.
    I believe that communication and trust are the most important things in a relationship, so many issues would never have become issues if they were just talked about honestly before it was too late.
    I believe that marriage can work because my grandparents loved each other until their death, after they had been together for 50 years. I will always aspire to have a marriage like theirs.

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Hi Becky,

    Don't give up hope. It is wonderful that you and your boyfriend are working to maintain a healthy relationship. Have faith and keep working at it. Everyone is different and their feelings about relationships are also very different, even just reading the replies to your question has a variety of views on marriage and relationships.

    My grandparents were married for 62 years before they passed away, while my other grandparents divorced and happily remarried. I have been with my fiance for 16 years in February and are finally making plans to get married. He is my best friend and I love to be around him. We are both crazy, funny people and I can't imagine life without him. I guess you can say we are not that traditional, but we love each other and chose to work out our problems instead of running from them. You are right, it is worth it.

    Some tips I found worked for us was to be open and honest about everything. No secrets, no lies, great communication, do things together, have fun, laugh, enjoy every moment because tomorrow is not promised, don't nit pick about everything, lift each other up, have respect for each other and make sure he is your best friend. It might take a long time to see if your boyfriend is "the one" but have you ever heard of the 7 year itch. Well, I think that is true. Our 7th year was the hardest, but we made it through. Some might say 7 years is too long, but not when you are making a choice to be committed forever. I feel marriage is supposed to be forever, so when we both say "I do" there is not turning back. We had 16 years to figure it out, so no excuses.

    Good Luck and don't give up!

    Sarah

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Hi, I think it is sad that marriage statistics have sunk so low and I feel that people give up too easily on someone who they at one time professed to love so much. My parents have been married for 27 years, my grandparents for over 50 and that is what I want. I believe some people jump into marriage too quickly and others take the Hollywood example where if it gets tough they just bail. How about respect the vows and work at them together?

    - W

    Re: Views on Marriage

    Hi Becky, I am recently married, but if you ask me about marriage 3 years ago, I would have never guessed that I would be here today. I was so against marriage, free bird and all that, can't tie me down bla bla. My partner and I just kind of ended up here naturally. Sometimes, it just works, and you find somebody that you can commit to. The universe just gave us some tests, and we passed, and a dynamic was created that just seemed to suit marriage.

    We're both totally traumatized by our parents failed relationships, so we found a perfect balance that suits us. We committed to understanding that forever is a really long time, and that we could both be different people in 30 years. We have a peaceful exit strategy if we end up there. For now, we both want to work towards the same goals together and have a family together. One thing about divorce that I think is a trap is the money. Did you know you can't even get divorced without spending like at least $8000. What the hell! Plus there's dividing up all the stuff and fighting over money. I swear it's the money that turns people in to monsters. We decided to have a ceremony, and commit to each other, but not to get married on paper. I did some research and all it does is create a contract between you, your partner, and the government. And, well, what the hell does the government have to do with my relationship. Sure people get married on paper for tax breaks and all sorts of reasons, but we're just committing to be together and it really made our relationship stronger. We have a unique situation, but every relationship is unique.