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    Are You A Good Listener?

    created by Famu 396 days 8 hours 57 minutes ago

    Category: Entertainment

    Are You A Good Listener?

    Good Morning Cnet,
    Happy Monday! Just curious, how are your listening skills? Do you listen carefully even when the topic or conversation does not interest you? Are you really present or do you day dream, think about how you are going to respond, tune out if you hear things you don't agree with or don't want to hear or interrupt the speaker to get your point across. I think to be a good listener you have to hear what is being said and open to viewpoints that may even be different from your own experiences. I try to be a good listener by having an open mind and being present to what the person is saying. How do you perceive yourself as a listener?

    Have a fabulous day!

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Happy Monday, Famu!

    I have been told that I am a good listener, and many of my friends like to come to me to vent about their problems, and I'm able to have civil conversation with people even when we have differing opinions.

    One can learn a lot from a good civil debate, if you are listening to what the other is saying you might appreciate what they have to say, maybe even adopt some of their beliefs or realize you're position wasn't as solid as you originally thought. It's good to hear what other people have to say, I think it makes you a more rounded person if you can see things from multiple perspectives.

    If someone I care about is coming to talk to me about a personal issue then I usually stay quiet and let them get everything out before interjecting with my own thoughts. But if we're discussing a controversial topic I am of course going to be more argumentative and to try to get my point across, but that's part of the fun right?

    Thanks for the forum!

    - Jessica

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Famu, if I'm completely honest with myself, I'm not always the best listener. I feel like I am when it's important, but I can absolutely get lost in a thought when I should be listening.

    A few tricks I've learned to still make someone feel important when you find you're not focused on a conversation:

    1) Look them in the right eye. Do not try to make eye contact with both eyes, but just one. They see that you find the conversation important.

    2) Bring yourself back into the conversation and ask a question or two to get yourself involved when the other person might be going on and on. They'll see you as engaged. You're not tricking them, but trying to get yourself focused again.

    3) Always start with asking about the other person so you don't get caught up in things only about yourself. This will make you a better listener.

    4) Also, don't always compare another person's situation to one of your own. They want to talk about what's happening to them and not how you also had a grandmother that passed away.

    Have a great one!

    - Kara

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hi Famu,

    I'm not as good a listener as I used to be. I often find that my mind wanders off, I'm focusing on my response, or I'm interjecting too early/too much. I'm training myself to be a good listener again by stopping what I'm doing to give the person my full attention, pushing my thoughts aside so I can focus on what I am hearing, and fighting the impulse to interject. It's a challenge (especially the last one), but listening is an important skill that is essential for all relationships in life. Thanks for the reminder and tips!

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    I'm a terrible listener! Like Kara, I just get distracted in my own thoughts. Thanks for the tips Kara, very helpful!

    Part of it is getting distracted with my thoughts about what they said, then I go off in my own brain tangent. I form a response and wait to deliver it while they talk, but that prevents me from truly listening. It's like waiting for your turn to says something and it's terrible! It makes me a horrible listener.... but I've been working on it. I really do want to be a better listener.

    Also it doesn't help when people try to start a conversation when I'm reading or sending a text (my partner does it all the time.) I cannot do both at once! I can't help but feel interrupted when they expect me to stop what I'm doing. It's like, just because my nose is in a book doesn't mean I'm not doing anything!

    Either way, I still have a long ways to go when it comes to being a good listener.

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hi Famu,

    I would say I am a pretty good listener. I say this off the basis of what my closest friends say about me. My best friend and I love chatting and I know she feels listened to and appreciates both my presence, ears, and advice (I only give when she asks for my advice). My boyfriend would say I'm good at empathizing. I've been working on my listening skills in that relationship.

    I really put in a lot of effort to get into other peoples' world and understand where they are coming from and feeling. I try to not tell people they are wrong, truly listen, and get into the world of them.



    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    I think that most times I'm a good listener. It honestly depends on the topic. If its a girlfriend that is constantly complaining about her boyfriend, at some point, I just give up on listening. I've worked in the service industry for years, and once I became a bartender, I realized that listening to people's problems is about 50% of a bartenders job. I have to listen even if I dont want to because if I'm not engaging in the conversation, there goes my tip, out the window. As far as family and close friends go, I'm probably the best listener on earth. I've noticed that a lot of people do come to me to talk. My boyfriend says its because I'm always smiling and have a kind voice so it makes people feel comfortable.

    I have a friend who never listens and only hears. I notice it more so when he's talking to others. There he is having his conversation and goes to say something at the same time as his friend but his friend continues to talk and during that time he's constantly trying to spit out the first word of his sentence he wanted to say. That indicated to me that he doesnt care what his friend was saying, he was just ready to say what he was going to say before he somewhat got cut off. I'm not like that at all.

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hi, no to be honest I do not think I am a very good listener. I tend to zone out when some people are talking, especially if the television is on or I'm on my phone. My mom calls it selective hearing and says the men in the family seem to have the same selective hearing. It is something I need to work on.

    - W

    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hey Famu,

    I don't think I'm the best listener..

    I especially notice this during class lectures. I zone out very often, more often when I'm not interested in the topic. I've came to the conclusion that I'm just not an audible learner. Even if its something that I'm interested in, listening does not do me much good. I prefer working hands-on, that is when I'm at full focus.

    Have a good night!


    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hi Famu

    My listening skills depend widely based upon what topic I am listening to at hand. If the topic is interesting and something that I am fond about hearing or learning about then I will listen with ease; as if I am listening to a favorite song. For instance, hearing a good speech, poetry, or a good story will be comfortable and pleasing for me. When listening, not only am I just hearing words but I am also imagining every little detail that is given and I vividly picture it in my mind. When listening to people speak I can almost feel that person's emotions or see his or her emotions through their expressions. As a listener I do my best to take in every detail and to try to understand more than what a normal listener would think of.


    Re: Are You A Good Listener?

    Hi Famu,

    Thanks for the post!

    I try to be a good listener with my good friends. I try not to speak until they're completely finished talking, and I usually still pause once they're done to process how they're feeling and what they said. I focus on them when they're talking. It drives me a little crazy when people are multitasking when they're talking to me, especially when they call me to talk. I usually try to end the conversation if I know we are not fully paying attention to each other.

    On the flip side, I've been in situations where I haven't been a good listener. I don't work in the corporate world anymore, but when I did, many times I had a hard time paying attention to people. I worked in a toxic work environment where the company would teach one thing as the right thing to do, then immediately act against their supposed "corporate values." After watching poor decision after poor decision made my upper management, and the repercussions that stemmed from their poor decisions, I just openly stopped listening and participating. By acting against their values consistently, they lost credibility in my opinion and I didn't care enough to listen and participate. Thankfully, I quit that job and my listening skills have dramatically improved since leaving there.

    Thank you for the post!!