A friend recently asked that he is tired of saving himself for marriage. He is now the ripe old age of 27. It’s not a religious belief but a moral one for him. So the temptation has presented itself to him (as it has done in the past)in his current relationship. I told him that if you love her and you feel right about it in your heart. Then the decision should not be hard. My question I pose to this forum is should he make the leap?

No, he should continue to save himself for marriage. I'm the same age as him, and have made the same commitment. Why should he go all these years and then quit now?!? If this current relationship that he has does work out for him, wouldn't he regret not just wating a few more months? Stay the course, man, and thanks for keeping strong for so long!

Sex is something that has been made into a casual and unmeaningful thing, which it is not. He should save himself b/c it will mean so much more. It is a gift that you give your partner for life, not something that you should do just b/c of lustful feelings. I am not saying that people who have had sex be4 marriage are immoral, I am just saying that is how I see it.

When you buy underwear..you want them new. You don't buy them after used by five other guys.

I personally believe casual sex is no more than a "bowel movement".

Why quit now after saving himself for 27 years. I admire your friend for his strong will. This is not common nowadays.

Art

I respect the ideas posted above, but what happens when someone doesn't want to get married? We have come to believe that everyone wants to get married, and that everyone will, eventually, get married. Well that is evidently not true. There are many people who don't want to form a traditional family. What about these people? Is it immoral for them to have sex, since it's always going to be sex before marriage?

I think what is important is not marriage itself, but what it represents. We accept sex after marriage because this ceremony represents a strong union and deep caring between two people. As long as this feeling exists, I don't see why sex would be a bad thing. Of course, promiscuity can bring very bad consequences, but just because someone has sex before marriage it doesn't mean he/she takes sex lightly (or thinks it's casual or un-meaningful for that matter). As long as the appropriate precautions are taken and a deep feeling supports the relationship, I don't see why sex should be a bad thing, even before marriage.

I once read in this book that girls give sex to get love, and guys give love to get sex. It's a vicious circle.

I think this guy should talk about it with the girl, because in the end she'll be the one he's deciding it with. If they are both willing to commit, I'd say they should do whatever they feel is 'neccessary' lol.. But if it's a moral that he really truely believes in and can't seem to let it go, then he should wait. If this girl really cares then she'll accept and understand his point of view.

I must agree with Mike here. However, I also respect your friends' commitment. I do not have anything against people who decide to keep themselves until after marriage. Let us think what will happen with his marriage if he discovers that things do not work well in bed with his wife. There is the possibility that he will be disappointed, and his marriage will fail just because of that.
I think when there is a high level of affection, respect and passion between two people, there is nothing wrong in taking that second step. When sex also implies those kinds of feelings, it helps the relationship become stronger and last longer. Therefore, I think taking the decision of not having sex before marriage has both positive and negative risks both spiritually and physically.

I don't see anything wrong with sex before marriage. I just think it should be with someone special.

I believe that the decision to have sex before marriage is primarily based on moral and religious beliefs. I also, however believe that sex is a completely normal human instinct. People should not be ashamed of having sex, but if they are then they definitely shouldn't be having it. If your friend is comfortable talking about sex with his partner, and truly loves and respects her, I see no problem with going ahead with it. I believe that marriage is sacred, but marriage is not all about sex--just like sex is not all about marriage. I am not promoting promiscuity or casual sex, but I believe that if you are in love and comfortable, there is nothing wrong with sex.

I like to thank everyone for their thoughtful thoughts and opinions. In fact the good advice here is so plentiful that I am going to suggest (or force =P) him to sign up and read it for himself.

I think as long as you are not having sex all over the place ... then what's the big deal. Yeah... he's already waited a LONG time. If they think it's the right time as a couple... that's their desicion! No one else's. I say y not... some one said you wouldn't wanna buy used underwear... But would you buy a car without test driving it first?
:) Good Luck!
I hope that you do whatever feels right for you!

He should save himself if that is a moral belief he feels strongly about and has waiting twenty seven years. If he was to not save himself he would regret his actions after he gives himself up. Since your friend is in a relationship and is in love then it would be the right time in my eyes, but we are not the same people. When it boils down to it, the decision is royally up to him.

I think your friend should first think if he can have a future with this person, then definitely take that leap. But if this might cause awkward feelings and pain after, then I think he should stay the way he is.

seriously, go for it. life is too short to not be able to feel what making love is. its a great gift given two right people are involved. If he trully loves her and wants to be with her, go for it. However, what does she want. He should express his fears to her. because getting hurt is worse than breaking a moral. Its key to be sure. much probs to him for waiting! proof that not all guys are the same. what do you think about him?

honestly I think he should wait. His first time should be with the one that he definately knows he will spend the rest of his life with, and until he's married and seals te deal permanently, sex can wait. Sex isn't so important as to risking ruining your relationship with someone you care for, or loosing that wonder at th night of your honeymoon.

Is it possible not to now a days? People just seem to want to know what they are getting into. The leading causes of divorce are sex and money. If a relationship doesn't have the sexual appetite both partners want the relationship isn't going to last long.

I think they should wait, personally, but it is their own decision. Nobody can stop him from doing it. It is advisable, however, that he waits, even it for a bit longer.

wait.

What if he regrets it later after waiting so long and staying strong? He'll start to let down on other vows/promises he has made and then justify those too.
He shouldn't give up just because it's hard. life's trials are what strengthen you and give you character.

Everything has consequences. If he decides and feels that it's the right thing to do then I would say go ahead because it's his body. We live in a society that revolves around sex...everyone thinks of it as a physical necessity. You can't compare a car to a person. A person is sentient...a car is not. A person doesn't need to have sex with his future life partner to "test drive" him/her. It's about commitment and compatibility.

Art

think of it this way. if the two of them dont end up getting married, than hes just slept with someone else's wife.

not to mention cheated on his future wife.

and trust me, no one wants that on their shoulders.

and if anyone thinks they are ready for sex, then they need to consider these things:
-are you ready to support a child?
-are you ready to accept the consequences of possible STDs?

i dont believe in sex before marriage. here's nine reasons why i think everyone should wait (thanks to Brad Henning):
1. So you can know the WHOLE person.
2. So you can build and test each others trust.
3. So there is no guilt or fear later.
4. so best sexy isnt destroyed.
5. so youre not faced with abortions and pregnancies.
6. so you'll never have an STD (at least lower your chances).
7. so you'll never be compared to past partners.
8. so you wont have to fight a bad reputation.
9. so you wont be stealing from someone else's marriage.